By Anaïs Nin
Read or Download Fire: From "A Journal of Love" The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1934-1937 PDF
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Extra info for Fire: From "A Journal of Love" The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1934-1937
What i can't do: end my publication on my Father—analyze humans to become profitable for luxuries. October 14, 1935 nonetheless struggling with THE DEMON. chanced on identify FOR MY novel previous to giving it to Kahane—104° Fahrenheit. Took nice care of Henry whereas he had the grippe, yet left him since it used to be the weekend—feeling deeply his love. the opposite day, whilst he boasted of his satisfied of insouciance, unconsciousness, guiltlessness, an international like a kid's with no matters of any sort, asserting, "I think so happy," i could not support asserting, "Yes, yet you do not make others chuffed. that's the way you misplaced June. " He acknowledged, "You particularly suggest that's how i'll lose you. " After that he obtained unwell, as though to name me again. yet i believe challenging and lonely and disenchanted. Henry acknowledged, "I do not feel something can get it wrong among us. everyone who provide something to the realm additionally reason nice affliction. i'm a type of. " Henry lives by way of the legislation of his ego, so i need to do an analogous. Later at evening, while he obtained under the influence of alcohol, he stated he desired to visit London, after a depressing night at Kahane's, the place he talked crazily. I went to sleep at Henry's aspect, calling for Hugh like a misplaced baby. struggling with variations. within the morning, half-awake, we kissed and that i forgot my ache. attractive harmonious day. Savage fucking. Feri is useless, fascinating, proud, timid, domestic loving; loves like a baby, in contrast to a guy; is martial, conceited, and a lover of sensation. considerate, gallant, aristocratic, now not smooth. whilst I dance with him i think his sensitiveness and anxiety, like a racehorse's. He has a cult for me, and a type of appeal. We come very just about love. If he have been double his age! He appears terrific in his outfits, now not effeminate yet neat and speeding. we're the comparable top and construct. in point of fact that i'm slowly returning to my actual nature, to all that I gave up by means of loving Henry, to my deep love of attractiveness, of concord, of order, of an mind's eye which doesn't run to waste and folly. With this, gratitude and love for Hugh, who shall we me stay my real self. An subconscious hope to not visit Villa Seurat, the place each hour is wasted, frittered away, dispersed, misplaced in chaos, speak, vacancy. i cannot paintings there. I lengthy for Louveciennes, which I hated ahead of. I dread Monday. i believe i'm falling aside, that Villa Seurat is consuming into my creativity. for romance I go back, yet i do know now this love is a compromise, a cowardly yielding to like, opposed to my soul's want and yearnings, opposed to every little thing i would like and love and am. With a non secular perspective, i admire Hugh, all that he shall we me be, do, think, imagine. My real excellent father is Hugh. Henry, my baby; and so I shall die with no mate, and not using a love equivalent to me, a love that may be as previous as i'm this day. October sixteen, 1935 extraordinarily PROFOUND HAPPINESS whilst I observed Henry the day past and every thing used to be as prior to. I exhausted my hurricane of feedback. I refuse to sacrifice existence and like to an concept of the way Henry will be or stay. Deep tenderness, ardour, peace. Henry at paintings on Black Spring, pages at the obsessional walks.