By Witold Gombrowicz
Just earlier than the outbreak of worldwide struggle II, younger Witold Gombrowicz left his domestic in Poland and set sail for South the United States. In 1953, nonetheless residing as an expatriate in Argentina, he started his Diary with one among literature's such a lot memorable openings:
Gombrowicz's Diary became an unlimited number of essays, brief notes, polemics, and confessions on myriad topics starting from political events to literature to the understanding of dying. now not a standard magazine, Diary is as an alternative the observation of an excellent and stressed brain. extensively considered as a masterpiece, this really good paintings forced Gombrowicz's awareness for a decade and a part until eventually he penned his ultimate access in France, presently sooner than his dying in 1969.
Long out of print in English, Diary is now provided in a handy unmarried quantity that includes a brand new preface by way of Rita Gombrowicz, the author's widow and literary executor. This variation additionally contains ten formerly unpublished pages from the 1969 section of the diary.
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Simply because she used to be devastated and terriﬁed by way of the actual fact of life, it used to be the entire related to her who surrounded her. events at Cecilia’s? a few of it continues to be in my reminiscence, the dancing Joaquin Perez Fernandez, Rivas Rooney, lifeless inebriated, a few very younger lady, very lovely and partying into unconsciousness . . . definite, convinced, and people events merge with many others in different places and that i see myself, shot glass in hand, and that i pay attention my very own voice, coming to me from afar, mixed with the voice of Juliet. I: See these younger ladies there within the nook? are you aware them? Juliet: these are the daughters of the lady who's speaking to l. a. Fleur. i'll inform you what they are saying approximately her: she took boys off the road to a inn and shot them as much as excite them . . . yet one had a vulnerable middle and died. are you able to think? An research, police . . . yet she has connections, the complete affair used to be coated up, she left city and spent a yr in Montevideo. I couldn’t enable on how vital this information was once to me and stated in simple terms: good, you don’t say! presently thereafter I left the collection and set out during the army blue, nonetheless Argentine evening and made my approach to the Retiro, that you already recognize from Trans-Atlantic: ‘‘And there the hill sloped towards the river and town steps right down to the port and a mild breeze from quiet waters winds like a music in the course of the treelined sq.. there have been many sailors there. . . . ’’ To folks who should be i need to provide an explanation for that by no means, apart from sporadic incidents at a really early age, used to be I a gay. i don't understand, possibly, rather find out how to take care of girls, i don't understand how to house them within the realm of emotions, as there exists in me a undeniable problem to sentiment, as though I have been frightened of feeling . . . but lady, specially a definite form of girl, draws and rivets me. i used to be no longer, for that reason, looking erotic adventures within the Retiro, but—bewildered, divorced from myself, disinherited and derailed, fed by way of blind passions kindled in me by way of my crashing international and bankrupt fate—what was once I trying to find? formative years. i'll say that i used to be trying to find either my very own and a person else’s early life. a person else’s as the adolescence in a naval or soldier’s uniform, the early life of these archcommon boys 162 quantity 1 from the Retiro, used to be inaccessible, their intercourse, the shortcoming of sexual allure, excluded all danger of becoming a member of and owning. my very own since it was once additionally mine, it got here to existence in anyone like me, no longer in a girl, yet in a guy, this used to be an analogous early life that had forged me off, now blossoming in another individual. For a guy, adolescence, attractiveness, and beauty in a lady seriously is not as ﬁnal as their expression simply because a girl continues to be anything else and she or he creates the opportunity of that which to a undeniable organic quantity rescues us: a baby. the following within the Retiro, I observed formative years in itself, as a way to converse, formative years self sustaining of intercourse and that i skilled the blossoming of the human shape in its sharpest and so much extremely—because it used to be marked by way of hopelessness— demonic shape. What’s extra, down, down, down!